As Johnny Depp once said to Amber Heard, “Want to see madness?”
Turns out we all did it in a big way. Like 3-D, IMAX, “Game of Thrones” – The Big Wall.
And man, did we get it.
Call me a tragicomed experience that’s more brutal, authentic, engaging, and can’t be looked away. “Depp vs. Heard.”
Suffice it to forget the Oscars. slapped will smith World Health Organization?
“Depp vs. Heard,” Thank you. This was the ideal “are we post-pandemic but rushing into a full-blown recession and possibly World War III?” A distraction, the identities of two spoiled celebs released, horrifying and hilarious, filled with human feces, a lump accessory, literal blood on the walls and a scathing testimonial from Lady Gaga’s ex-fiancée and model Kate Moss.
What on earth would we do without it?
At the same moment that Tom Cruise successfully rebranded himself off the bat—crazy Scientologist-jumping couch to the world’s biggest and most authoritative movie star—oh, the comforting pleasures of Top Gun: Maverick, not least as a theatrical release pioneer—Johnny Depp did. Do the opposite.
A movie star beloved by his peers from Generation X and young children has been revealed as A mess of alcoholics and drug addicts whose other character was “The Beast” A man was sentenced by a British court to beat his wife.
He did it for himself. He didn’t have to bring this suit. But because he clearly avoided good advice from expensive people, Johnny Depp decided that this was The only way to save his reputation.
He’d come every morning, dressed in a flashy suit and chauffeur-driven SUV, blow up Bob Marley, and wave to his fans royally, Fairfax County Courthouse in Virginia just another red carpet. Johnny Depp, in a different world.
Oh, laughs Johnny! Between chewing on the gummy bears, smiling with his solicitor, doodling and coloring, Johnny finds nothing shocking.
This is not on the bed. “On both sides of the bed, there were human excrement,” he testified.
Could dogs be in intestinal distress?
“The dogs weigh—it’s a Yorkshire teacup,” Depp said. “They both weigh about four pounds.”
In a related context, Snopes attempted to confirm whether Depp’s girlfriend Gina Deuters farted on the catwalk. Their findings were inconclusive.
Johnny’s janitor, kicked out in his car, smokes frantically and drives away trying to escape from it all. minted: Chef’s kiss!
Texts Between Heard and Talent Agent Christian Carino – Too Cruel! Very refreshing! I also heard complaining about the billionaire’s loss Space colonist Elon MuskCarino responded like a real Hollywood housewife.
“Dealing with the breakup,” Heard wrote. “Hate when things get so public. Look, I’m so sad.”
“Sounds like a press release,” Carino replied. “You weren’t in love with him and you told me a thousand times that you were filling the void.”
Karino told her to come true. “You can avoid all of this if you stop dating Uber celebrities,” he wrote.
However, I think Heard’s testimony was convincing. They clearly had a devastating marriage, but Johnny Depp is still seen as a monk, a charming bad boy (ugh), while Heard is seen as a vile, no, any number of sinister labels his mind has thrown up on the internet.
Women still have to be ideal victims. Men, as this trial has shown, do not.
As for Johnny: He might own a private island, but we know he lives in a cottage. Who else imagined a glass-walled boat to match that $27 million yacht — you know, who was forced to sell it to JK Rowling?
We heard how bitter he was about it, as well as how his security staff felt about the “chief,” they call him, drinking and drugging. Elvis’ late-stage work seemed a lot more fun.
“I will stay with this idiot in case he gets sick,” said one of the guards.
Another asked: “Mr. Depp was trying to pee in the lobby, wasn’t he?”
we got Deep’s accurate analysis of the finger accident. He said it paled in comparison to the photos – the damage he did, the bloody torso itself, Johnny custom on an ER stretcher, sunglasses still there.
“I remember painting on the lampshade, on the wall, on a mirror,” Depp said. Marcel Duchamp is a regular. “I remember dipping my finger in paint thinner and using it to paint when I ran out of blood to paint with it.”
Coda gave the trial a conspiracy stunt none of us had ever seen – the possible The ’90s movie revival of Deb and Moss.
Very stylish. Much chaos. Better than Brad and Jane.
As for the referee: Deb won, But he also lost. Disney will never hire him again. It’s hard to think of a large studio or broadcasting device. He’s over 60, seems a hopelessly addicted, and will never outgrow what he wants more than anything: a celebrity show experience in the age of the internet.
Memories fade. Memes are forever.